I'm a pressure cooker filled with dreams, ambitions, wants and needs. A pressure cooker that is close to exploding... You won't find a happy housewife's smile on my face, because I constantly feel like I'm running behind. Like I have to catch up with the world, or make up for lost time.
The nagging feeling of being last threatens to turn into the fear of being left out. Nobody will tell me to my face that we have lost time ever since cancer entered our household, but the truth of the matter is that it most certainly feels like we did. Of course one can never actually lose time, or own time to begin with. However our life has been on hold compared to other thirty-something couples. Kenji and I didn't work on our careers, nor did we successfully invest in any other 'extracurricular' networking. We were forced to take life one day at a time - and that basically hasn't changed since January 2011.

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Gisteren was ik één van de duizend gasten bij de HEMA Blog Academy. En nee, ik blog niet over nagellak en ook niet over damesmode, dus écht mijn ding was het niet en dat gaat het ook niet worden. Maar de uitnodiging was wel een geweldig excuus om een middagje de boel de boel te laten en lekker het pontje naar de NSDM-werf te pakken. Uitwaaien bleek nuttiger dan netwerken - iets wat helemaal aansluit bij mijn visie op het leven tegenwoordig.
Bij aankomst lag er een goodiebag op mijn stoel en wat is er nou leuker dan die gewoon weer doorgeven aan een bloglezer? Wie maak ik blij met de volgende HEMA goodies: een canvas tas met geprinte strik erop, een hardcover notitieblok met elastiek en een cadeaukaart met een tegoed van 5 euro. (Het flesje water dat erin zat is op; de basic blauwe balpen zal ik jullie ook besparen.) Heb je zin om deze goodiebag te winnen, laat dan even een reactie achter. Uiteraard vind ik het leuk als je mijn blog volgt en/of deze give away vermeldt op je blog of Facebook, maar niets is verplicht. A.s. maandag 15 september maak ik de winnaar bekend.

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It was my turn to go to the annual information night at school. Kenji stayed home with the boys and I heard all about this year's first grade program. The last part of the teacher's presentation contained the usual "Any questions?" slide. One parent suggested that we should briefly introduce ourselves - which everybody thought was a great idea. I noticed how many couples had come together and how each parent referred to their two-earner household. One woman said: "I'm a lawyer and my husband is at home. Erm.. that is, with the kids. Right now. Tonight. Not that he is at home." The classroom burst out in laughter. Now wasn't that hilarious! Joking about a father who was at home permanently! Of course she had just misspoken herself, that was crystal clear to the group. I was one of the last parents to introduce myself. I mentioned how I worked as a copywriter and that my boys also had a father, who wasn't present since he was watching over them. Period.

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Big Brother's hair is completely wet when I pick him up from school. He tells me he has been running like a maniac during PE class - "something with little beeps mama, and I went on and on and on, until there was no-one else left" - and his feet can barely take him home anymore. I reckon Big Brother has been doing the Cooper test (something I hated in school) and I'm really proud that he has done such a good job (I was always the first one to quit...).
Big Brother is completely beat, so instead of going to kung fu with Little Brother, he is allowed to skip practice for once. However Kenji is so kind to remind me that I still have to attend the opening of an exhibition. Oops! On the spot I come up with a plan: Big Brother has to come to work with me and I know just how to sell it to him.

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There is no Kenji without Arnie. And I'm not joking here: Arnold Schwarzenegger is without a doubt Kenji's first love. Perhaps that's why it took him some time to find me, his second one? My mother-in-law always gets a significant smile on her face when Arnie is mentioned. After all the times Kenji has been watching his hero on television, even she knows her Arnie classics.
When Kenji and I met, I assumed this whole Arnie adoration wouldn't last much longer. After all, Schwarzenegger's best acting years were over and Kenji would't hang on to an idol like this, now that he had a girlfriend? What. Was. I. Thinking.

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